DSC_6147-1-1-2 (Medium)

It's midnight. I was lying on my bed.

Thoughts were unceasingly flying in my mind. I just couldn't sleep.

In the dark, I got out of my bed and headed towards my laptop.

I don't know why. I feel so guilty. I've made things so bad and we don't even seem to be friends at all. Thinking back, things changed so much. I looked at you and you never looked back- until I called your name. It happens everytime. This is so different from last time, when our eyes would meet naturally and- yes, intentionally, I can say. But the truth now is so lamentable.

I lied on the bed and remembered the last time you called me. It was just weeks ago. As our conversation resurfaced in my mind I felt so excruciatingly guilty. What had I said to you? Why was I so cold-hearted? Couldn't I, in a more comforting way, take it more seriously and reply you in proper manner? I took things so casually as though I don't care at all- which, of course, is the opposite.


Have you ever experienced waking up everyday and felt like dying?

I had.

It was back then in June. Life was truly dark for me. The world seemed to be against me. My heart was broken. My academic results were horrid. I experienced the darkest days in my life.


There was a Starbucks tumbler on my desk at June. It is still there now, perfectly unmoved. It's the "design yourself" tumbler I bought back in Genting, initially, for her.

"Get creative by using photos and art you choose yourself or by downloading a design from Starbucks.com"

I thought of taking a picture of a lovely couple or children, with love shaped bokeh in the background, and further post-process it as the greatest graphics project I would have done. I thought of adding words, those phrases, of course.

All of these were abandoned shortly after I reached home from Genting. Things happened so fast.


Some time later I got back my locker key from my friend. Yes, you didn't even hand it back to me personally. Are we blocked by a thick invisible wall or something? Are we so distant that a middleman was needed to pass back a small object? Believe me, I had always willing to share my locker with you like how we did last time. Call that chivalry, and nothing else.

After I got back the key I went to open my locker. A disc. A pendrive. And a neatly folded lab coat.

I stood there for quite some time.


All I've said to you still holds firm. Yes, you're cute, sweet, and of course, lovely.

Perhaps the most important of all is that you're still my friend. Para siempre.

P.S: For the majority of my blog readers, ignore me. Optimistic is my nature!

No comments:

Post a Comment