Reminiscence

After some retrospect, the old memories resurfaced in front of me, expressing vividly how we'd gone about- how pathetic I was...

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I still remember the first sight of you... Then only years later I started to pursue you- but failed miserably. Of course I failed, because that's how I screwed up our relationship, how I'd been a jerk, how I'd been so naive, worsening everything... Since then, we were brutally seperated by a virtual wall. Everytime I came close to you, I felt the pressure pressing against me, and perhaps you too. Like opposites of a magnet, we'd never spoke each other for months. I wished I would not wanted to even see you for that would tear my heart into smithereens...

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A year later, after much isolation between us, I'd came for you again. I thought it would be alright, I won't screw up anymore and we would be together- but again, failed pathetically. Maybe I did not screwed up. But still I felt the strong repellant from you, the way you talked to others compared to me, the way you communicated with me- so heart-breaking. The virtual barrier was still there, stood up high between us. Whenever I saw you talking with others so freely, happily BUT NOT to me, I'm deeply hurted. I'd tried to talk to you like my friends- but in vain. I felt your strong psychological rejectivity towards me, which fell my heart down the trenches... The old scar that bears the same pain was tore open again, I would not want to face you anymore...

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After being another few months of complete strangers, we talked again. This time, rather freely. Then I realized for the third time... the virtual barrier is still there, separating us unconsciously. The turn down you gave me, the silence between us, the hurt you implied on me... are still there, constantly salting on my wound... (It's over. Hopefully ;)). But yes, in my heart, we are friends- I never hestitated to say so- friends forever.

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I'm sorry.